I write this with sadness in my heart, feeling the early signs of depression setting in, I find myself turning back to my colour and my essential oils and positive affirmations to get me through.
Stepping outside, does anyone know how I really feel? Putting on the happy positive face and chatter that all is well and that I am ok, as I continue each day with these affirmations, who am I kidding, myself I think at the moment, even though I practice these affirmations everyday and I do feel better for a short time, its work in progress and I know that, I really do, I am working at not being so hard on myself, I think the hardest thing to do in this life is to the love the self so fully and with total acceptance.
I write this with tears in my eyes, I look around at my family and friends and think how fortunate I am to have so many loving people in my life, and those that love me from afar as I do them, times are difficult as I ask myself “What can I learn from this?” , What is the lesson?” still waiting on the answer, realising that we are all here on are own journey.
Thought I had progressed further than I have, to allow the external events of my life to control my emotions so much , as they are at the moment, where is the sense of peace and calm and security gone? Have I moved so far from my centre and my beliefs to allow this to happen. The comment was made the other day to me ….”Well you are only human you know, you are allowed to have these emotions and feelings like anyone else” I get that I really do but they don’t get what I am about or do they?
I just need to get this out of my head and down on paper so to speak it has been driving me crazy literally all week, the best thing I can do for me is to do what I am doing right now, expressing myself not just privately but publicly as well although a little daunting sometimes, I feel the release as I write these words, I am grateful for those around me that support me and keep me safe.
I ask for forgiveness from all those around me that I may have not treated so well just recently and I apologize for any negative actions or words that may have been said or done it was not and is not my intention to offend or upset anyone , I just realized that I have been so caught up in my world of worry, worry why worry the situation is out of my control I have no control over this situation,I just have to sit and wait and trust that all is well and will be revealed to me in the right space and time, but sometimes when the situation involves someone dear to ones heart it becomes increasingly difficult not to be concerned, I guess here in lies the lesson, trust in the process of life and what it has presented me with at this time.
I know this is all over the place, but I am just writing as it comes up as a thought of happy times or not so happy times arises, the tears began to well in my eyes, I am not going to hold them back anymore, tears are cleansing they are a release, I need to release these emotions and sadness in my own time and it looks like now is the time.
I can do this, I can do this yes I can, I know I can, tears are good, let it all go let it all out no use holding it in any longer, not good for my mind or body.
Each day is a gift and I am most grateful for all the experiences that life has presented to me some I understand some I don’t and I guess that’s the way it is meant to be, but never the less I am grateful for life and the gift of each day, may god bless each and every one of you on your journeys, and may life treat you well as you continue each day on your own path. May you all receive the gift of support from loved ones being family or friends in times of need, sending you all loving hugs and loving energies for each and everyday.