Reality v Emotion

I gave him my heart………he didn’t ask for it, he broke it, he doesn’t understand….

I gave him my soul……..but he didn’t ask for it, he made it cry, he taught it a lesson, but he doesn’t understand

I gave him all of me ……..but he didn’t ask for it, he took it with open  arms and a closed heart, he still doesn’t understand, did he ever really.

When I have a moment of clarity and pull myself away from the sadness and the rawness of my emotions.  I feel an intense sadness for him, his journey is not mine but our paths have crossed for a reason.

That reason neither of us may never really know, but I feel I have given and shown him all the unconditional love that I can for any person (including me) and he has reinforced in me the strength to seek the truth and the answers that are true to me, for he never faulted in his beliefs, always standing strong in what is true for him, he has reinforced that in me and that I think is part of my lesson on this journey, I hope that somewhere within him his soul has recognized the unconditional love that I gave him and I hope this love will support his soul on the rest of his journey and that he like I find true love and happiness as it is for each of us.

Love means many things to each of us, to me it is giving of the heart, the soul and the mind unconditionally , with total respect for each other, caring and nurturing and helping each other through our trials and tribulations, joys and sorrows, so many emotions are running through my mind, my heart and my soul (me , myself and I), coming to terms and letting go.

Letting go…. acceptance of what has been, from the lessons learnt and still learning, always with nothing but total respect for myself and for him, for we are both (like all of us) on our own journeys.  The sadness I feel , is remembering when we first met and how amazingly alive I felt after so many years of being alone, then slowly watching ( as it does if it is not nurtured) the energies change, trying so hard not wanting to let go of those wonderful emotions and feelings but realising that life is not stagnant it doesn’t stop in anyone place for too long.

On one level feeling so grateful for the experience, on the other level still feeling the sadness so very very deeply but knowing that this will pass, when I accept deep within myself this journey and it’s lessons. For me this has been a massive learning of the heart, being the emotional Cancerian as I am, I give my all and always with the best intentions, always coming from the heart.

Understanding why I sometimes feel off balance…. the communication between the heart and the mind, the mind needs time to catch up to the heart, bringing together both to be able to speak my truth from my heart with the clarity of thought and complete oneness with both.

This will come with time for I have travelled many roads and learnt many lessons and I know that with constant nurturing of my mind, body and soul I will become one again, this I know to be true.

What is happening to me now is the process of acceptance and the letting go of everything that is no longer apart of my journey and that I feel is the hardest part for me, especially when I am learning again,  to heal my heart and only wanting love and to be loved on all levels, Firstly, I must learn to nurture myself , then I can share my lessons with others ( if that makes sense) and for this I am so thankful and so very much filled with gratitude for all the wonderful support of family and closest friends to help me and guide me through this time.

To some this may seem over the top or emotional but that is how it is for me right now, this is me raw and vulnerable, and if I only but help another understand or come to terms with their emotionally journey this is all worth the effort for we are all one, we all have a journey to share.

Thank you so much from my heart to yours if you have taken the time to read this far, our journeys will never end.

With Blessings and Much Love and Light to everyone.


Ensha Reiya

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